It’s pushing me supplements, resistance bands, and ultramarathon hydration packs. I was just trying to stop myself from eating chips for breakfast, not qualify for a triathlon.

Look, I just like a good deal, I’m not exactly doomsday prepping—yet.

I keep getting ads for luxury ergonomic chairs, blue light glasses, and courses on ‘10x Growth Strategies’. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to not have my spine compressed like an accordion.

Joke’s on them, I use that mat exclusively to kneel on while scrubbing baseboards.

Ma’am, I still use plastic bags as Tupperware, what part of me screams old money?

Now my ads are for smart fridges, AI-powered coffee makers, and self-watering plant pots. Listen, I just wanted clean floors, not a fully automated home that’ll eventually betray me.